da_wizard
[move]How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?............................................Put a nipple on it.      [/move]


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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MikeGimmelli
LOL AWESOME!!!
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da_wizard


A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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da_wizard
[move]
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?....................They can both smell it but can't eat it   [/move]

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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stevenstrong
joke of the day: KISS line-up
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Tiger479
Two friends were drinking in a bar when one tells the other to have some Tequilla shots with him. The other guy says Hell No, last time I drank Tequilla I blew chunks. The first guy says that wont happen this is the good stuff not that cheap shit, you'll be fine. The second guy says no you dont get it chunks is my dog.
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TortureQueen
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "O IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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da_wizard
What's the square root of 69........................8 something

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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MikeGimmelli
TortureQueen wrote:
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "O IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."




LOL  nice!
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da_wizard
A kIWI tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?". 
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, FUCK off and get your own!'

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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AlpineValleyGirl
baaah ha ha ha haaaa!
Helping My Boss Find His Own Ass with Both Hands since 1986!
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da_wizard
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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TortureQueen
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

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Gnomez
da_wizard wrote:
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you



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AlpineValleyGirl
da_wizard wrote:
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you

Ooops, Sorry!  my baaa-aad
{shoves a few coins into the Fund to Send Gnomez to Kobe for Ozzfest donation box}
Helping My Boss Find His Own Ass with Both Hands since 1986!
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