If at first you don't succeed...... your obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris saw"The Ring " video, then watched it again the week later
There once was a street named after Chuck Norris but they renamed it. No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Graboids from "Tremors" were not chasing people. They were running. From Chuck Norris
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris was born in 1940. Five years later Hitler committed suicide. This was not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not need Twitter...he is already following you.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
the dinosaurs made Chuck Norris mad...once
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died 

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn. He goes outside and dares the grass to grow.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris has a Myspace account... on Facebook.
Chuck Norris doesn't jump he stares at gravity and it changes direction.
Chuck Norris doesn?t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris has been to Mars before, that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris was once struck by lightning...Thats why lightning never strikes the same place twice...because Chuck Norris is looking for it...

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris can choke you to life
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
If Chuck Norris had performed in 300, the film would be called 1.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around. 

Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest. He won after 5 days.
Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
In space no-one can hear you scream except, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris once made a snowman...out of rain.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.  The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

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Chuck Norris is not afraid of death....death is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up, he moves the earth down.

Freddy Kruger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris used to practice martial arts in the forests of Egypt....they are now deserts.

Earthquakes are the result of Chuck Norris doing push ups.

People have always wondered how giant pyramids and stone henge were built....the answer is Chuck Norris.
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There is nothing to fear except Chuck Norris himself.
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AGAIN with the "chuk norris" ?

chuk norris fillz a cup with hiz own PISS every mornin, cracks 2 eggz in it, and gargelz it before he swallowz....then he goes out-back and does field goal practice with human babies.
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There's only 1 god. His name is.. Chuck Norris!    ~When Chuck Norris asks a question... people answer!      ~No one knows that Chuck Norris wears a disguise... I mean Pee- Wee Herman wears a disguise. I mean Chuck Norris wears a disguise! Oh damn... I'm confused! Who are we talking bout?  ~Chuck Norris doesn't need a zip code. Cause he's Chuck Norris!    ~Chuck Norris doesn't have 2 fight. His keening stare is all he needs 2 win.  ~If all hope fails... There's always... Chuck Norris!  ~Chuch Norris doesn't mow the lawn. The lawn mows itself cause Chuck Norris says so.   
~MsCeeAngel~ XD
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Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Noris believes it?s not butter.
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Chuck Norris doesn?t need to swallow when eating food.
Chuck Norris doesn?t play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris cowboy boots are made of real cowboys
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris doesn?t own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
Chuck Noris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he downloads a song.
Anyone can piss on the floor, but chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn?t have nearly enough balls.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the Internet.
Chuck Norris is found on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of barbed wire, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Chuck Norris does not need to use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford changes its actual spelling.
According to Einstein?s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

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Chuck Norris isn't afraid of anything or anyone but... Chuck Norris!
~MsCeeAngel~ XD
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Who you gonna call? Chuck Norris! Cause he says so! ;p
~MsCeeAngel~ XD
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The movie Rambo is a documentary about Chuck Norris when he was in cub scouts.
The reason why newborn babies cry is because they've just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Blind people have seen Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Chuck Norris can shoot you with a knife and stab you with a gun.
When life gives you Chuck Norris, you're fucked.
Ozzy bit off a bat's head. Chuck Norris did the same thing and shit out Batman.
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a klondike bar will do anything for chuck norris
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chuck norris' nickname is lestat because because he drinks blood for lunch...only virgin blood.
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chuck can't get a real acting gig any more and is forced to do excercise equipment commercials....
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now THATS a fact .......hey wut was the name of that one movie where chuck had the mullet and carried that little sawed off?? i cant remember the title but i think that wuz the one that solidified the end of chucks silver screen career.

(puts rat in burlap sac)
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When the booigeman goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
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Chuck's Mom has a tattoo on her arm that says "Chuck"

alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
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